I have this real belief that the world conspires to make things happen that are just and fair. I have always been like this, I suppose its similar to Karma, what you put out there is ultimately what you get back in return. I have read books about it, all say similar things, and I have practised it, and I have to admit it does make me personally feel at ease with myself and less stressed. A few years ago, I went to visit my dad who was working in India, it was the first time I had been away on my own for quite a while, it was scary and exciting all at the same time. I had a ponder while I was there, I had a lot of not so positive stuff going on at home and it gave me a chance to have the breathing space to actually see what i was about and what drives me. For me it was this ; having a na open heart, love , respect, dignity and integrity. I know if I place them as the parameters of all i do, it is a good thing. Keeping it up is hard, at times I find it hard to bite my lip, and allow my anger ( which is probably unresolved hurt ) if I am honest to fire up and emerge from my lips as a weapon. This i know is not cool. It hurts people even momentarily and it really isnt a great way to deal with things as I have found that I then have to deal with the anger before I deal with the issue. So I have decided to make a commitment to trying to live by my cornerstones and when I feel challenged to go back to the old way off doing things I am going to stop and see what has really triggered it. Allow my self to process it and not be swayed by the need to act immedicately. This is a hard one for me as I am quick to change and cope with the change - in fact change is no real issue.. Maybe thats another lesson. My Dad once said i move from one thing to the next so quickly that its hard to keep up. I have done that my whole life. But now, as I start to see the end of my journey with Camino, with all the reflection I think, keeping true to myself and paceing myself and my actions is the way to do it. In going through life seeing so many things I have not really taken in what I see, and noted its preciousness, and thats no good because in not missing out on life I have missed out on the nitty gritty which makes life interesting.
This morning, my friend Syd and I went to visit an allottment plot in Leigh. She got a phone call after being on the waiting list for 3 years that one had become availiable and asked if I wanted to do it with her.
This is very exciting, a plot of land to tend to and in essence a space to get the fundamentals right. I am excited at the prospect of the hard work ahead and looking forward to drinking a glass of chablis overlooking our plants after a hard days digging. Its what I need to do but maybe its