Today as the day of reckoning appraoches my mind has started to move beyond this piece. I have spent the day preoccupied with where to take camino next. I have many ideas, all of which are probably completely inpractical but that makes them all the more exciting.
I love that my mind never sees the end to projects but is always taking an idea and evolving it to be different, educate, challenge change. I have always done it , it doesnt scare me, in fact it is really natural for me to work in this way. My preoccupied state at the moment is constantly trying to find a balance between the focus for the present and the new paths for the future. There is always a tension of juxtaposition in my life in all I do. Its finding the balance.
I am worrying about over sleeping on Day 44, I am worrying that the weather might be so bad it will be a last struggle. I am worrying that I wont get the shape right and I will be panicky which will stop it being as I want it to be. I am worrying because worrying is what I do very well, in a sense it is my security shield. Worrying makes me think things through so I can make sure I have everything I need. Worrying has always bought the anal ness to my life and I have always embraced it. At least on this occasion I have been sleeping through the night, which I dont when I have forthcoming events, so the pressure isnt so great. Its a funny one. But without the worrying, I would not feel confident, its become my check -in register.
Saying all that, I know that if I approach the build with the following cornerstones I will be ok.
A calmness of mind
An open heart
A fed tummy
A love for the piece
An understanding that it will be what it should be
I am happy though, the final tasks are underway, tomorrow ona practical side I am going to get tools and stuff together so I can take Friday - Day 43 to really rest in my excitement as I really must go to be early, eat well and control my excitement.
Preoccupied that is the word for it. Excited is the emotion.